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Who the hell am I and what do I want?

“There are moments when everything goes well; don’t be frightened, it won’t last.”

– Jules Renard

Hi, my name is Georgia Stent and frankly I have no idea what I’m doing, when it comes to all this blog-writing stuff. I have no idea what kinda stuff you guys like to read, or what I should be writing about. Frankly, I don’t care what you usually read or like to read. I don’t care if nobody reads this, or everyone does. I’m gonna write whatever I feel like writing. So, there.

I know, right about now, I should be telling you about how I’m an aspiring writer, who hasn’t given up on her dreams of making it, or that I’m this really interesting person with a very active social life, but the truth is: I am just as dull and boring as the rest of you normal people.

That’s right – I am BOOOORING. B-O-R-I-N-G. And trust me, I wish I could say otherwise. I wish I could say that at the young and questionably energetic age of 21, my diary is just packed full of parties and … whatever 21 year olds do, nowadays.

The truth is, I’ve been unemployed for a month, gave up all hopes of landing my dream job, about a gazillion years ago, and I have practically no social life. But you know what I can say about myself? I am a decent person who happens to have a pessimistic outlook on life, which is mostly down to the fact that so far, the universe hates me.

And, you know, I really do try and look for the positives but in a world of never ending clumsiness, mishaps and bad luck, it’s become just a little too easy to find the negatives. Now is it really my fault that the universe hasn’t made a better effort to bring me good luck and encourage a positive attitude? I think not.

So, you know what? This blog is dedicated to all the bad days I’ve already had, and the ones about to happen, and you unfortunate people are going to hear all about it.

Oh, yeah! You’re gonna hear about everything – from the clumsy accidents to the weird and random thoughts, from my opinions on unemployment to what relationships are like, as a disabled person. This is going to be so much fun!

Agony Aunt:

I know I’m wildly pessimistic and all, but I think a lot of people would misread that and assume I’d be rude to others or not give a damn.

But you know what they say about assuming? When you assume, you make an ass out of u and me.

I’m actually really nice to others (or at least I hope I am, because that’s the vibe I’m trying to convey), I just aim the pessimism and negativity towards myself.

Well, to be fair, the universe hasn’t given me many reasons to believe in optimism, and that’s hardly my fault. You’d think the universe would throw me a goddamn bone, once in a while, but you’d be thinking wrong.

Honestly, my life story reads like I’m cursed, or something. If Hollyoaks was gonna make a film, that’d be my life, just with less dead or injured people.

In fact, the closest I’ve come to a cinematic comparison is this: have any of you seen the film ‘Just my luck‘? Yeah? You know how the main guy is cursed with bad luck his whole life? That’s my life, only instead of constant rain and picking up money that ends up being covered in dog shit, I get endless rain, new issues related to my disabilities, and social awkwardness.

Obviously it’s not exactly the same, which is why I said it’s the closest comparison.

Reasons why it’s not the same:

  • I’ve never split my trousers
  • I’ve never broke a heel (because I don’t wear heels high enough)
  • I’ve never picked up dog-shit-covered money (because I’ve never picked up money)
  • Neither of the main characters are disabled (because… well, that’s not really my fault…)
  • I don’t have a younger sister (I do have 7 older siblings, though)

Off the top of my head, those are the only differences. There are other differences, obviously, but that’s more to do with the setting of the film/characters. Such as: I don’t live in the US, I live in the UK. I’m not American, I’m English, etc. But those are acceptable differences because those differences have no bearing on the similarities between myself and the cursed characters.

Here are just some of the similarities:

  • Given that I live in Manchester, it’s pretty much always raining
  • I’m always accidentally dropping or breaking things – like, one time, I broke my phone by accidentally dropping it in a cup of tea. A CUP OF TEA. I don’t even really know how the fuck I did that.
  • Until I met my boyfriend, I’d never really had much luck in relationships (touch wood. I don’t wanna jinx it, now. We’ve been together a year and 3 months but in my position, you can’t afford to tempt fate).
  • (Without using my walking stick, for stability) I fall over A LOT. I know you’re wanting to ask so the answer is Joint Hypermobility Syndrome.
  • Just when things start to get good, something shitty happens

But getting back to my point – despite my negativity towards myself and my life, I care a great deal about others. When it comes to others I become more rational, very empathetic (so much that I am sometimes affected by others’ emotions as much as they are) and very protective.

People often turn to me for advice because they know they can trust me and surprisingly, I give good advice. I don’t really know how, because a lot of the time I don’t even have experience in that particular situation. But I seem to be able to emotionally connect with others in a way even I don’t understand. I can sense what they’re feeling and very easily imagine situations from the opposite point of view.

This comes in handy when giving advice about someone falling out with someone else, especially relationship-wise. Not as handy when it comes to resolving my own problems, but everyone needs someone to turn to, right?

I realised I had this gift when I was still in high school and before I knew it, I was always the person my friends came to, for advice. Even today, I’m still the go-to person for advice. I’m everybody’s Agony Aunt and that’s fine by me.

I have such a negative outlook on life that sometimes it brings me down and somehow helping others gives me something good to think about, you know?

Hey, I am more than happy to be your Agony Aunt, too, that’s no problem. You’re more than welcome to email me on AgonyAuntGee@gmail.com and I’ll answer your problem in the best way I can (yes I made the email address specifically for this, because why not?).

Until next time, My sweeties,

Georgia x

Memories are made of this…

Memories are a strange creature, aren’t they? They pop up in your mind at the weirdest of times and have the ability to affect your whole day.

Like have you ever been doing something totally mundane, like washing the dishes or something, and a memory just floats on into your brain, like “hi, remember me?” Because, obviously, why wouldn’t a memory be triggered by something like that?…

Anyhow, I was literally just sat down on my sofa, just now, and a memory triggered. Why? because I’d just washed my hair and I was letting it dry naturally, that’s why.

I’ll tell you the memory in a bit, but first a little backstory, on me:

I have a bit of a shit memory, to put it bluntly. I used to have a great memory and with some things I still do. But my memories got a bit fucked after I had neurosurgery, when I was 13.

I’ll explain why it affected my memory, but prepare to have a science lesson because it’s complicated. Are you ready? Brace yourselves…

Okay so everyone has a part of the brain called a hippocampus. Two of them, in fact – one on each side. This often (ironically) forgotten part of the brain affects your emotions, to a small extent but mostly it affects your memory. How? The only way I can describe it is that it’s like a sort of filing system for your memories, filing them into long-term and short-term memories. Of course, as with life, it’s way more complicated than that, but that’s the general jist.

I had a lesion* in my brain that they believed was causing my epilepsy (turned out it wasn’t that and the surgery was a total waste of time, but oh well), but it was sort of fused with my hippocampus on my right side (so the left half of the brain, because it’s always the other way around, to you). As a result, they opted to go in, remove the lesion and that part of the hippocampus.

*a lesion is… well it’s complicated but if you were to have an MRI, a lesion would show up because its neural tissue but it’s not the same colour as the rest, which means it’s either damaged or diseased.

Bored? Confused? All of the above? Yeah, well, I did say it’d be a science lesson. I didn’t say you’d enjoy it, so any disappointment is really your own fault…

In my case, the lesion first showed up on an MRI when I was 4 and stayed exactly the same size all the way until I was 13. The doctors believed that maybe I was born with it and it grew until I was 4 and then stopped growing, faulting the neural connections at that part of my brain, causing seizures.

Of course, we now know that that’s not the case, because despite the neurosurgery, I am still epileptic. But with that being the only obvious probable cause for my seizures, it makes sense for doctors to believe it to be the cause.

Anyway, as a result of my neurosurgery, my memories get a bit muddled, sometimes. For example, I don’t have the best short-term memory. Not like Dory. I can remember most things, but sometimes people tell me something and a few hours later, I’ve forgotten what they told me.

Or sometimes, I get random flickers of memories from my early childhood but I can’t place the memory in my mind. Think of that as though you’re watching a few seconds, of the most insignificant part of a film you’ve watched, maybe twice. You know you know it from somewhere, but you can’t place where you know it from.

Thankfully, I still have the majority of my long-term memory, it’s just I often forget short-term things and sometimes long-term until something random triggers it. On the plus side, I’m really the best person for keeping secrets because in a matter of hours, I’ve forgotten what you’ve even told me, most of the time. It would have to be something really shocking (maybe something that triggered a shocking memory, of my own) for me to remember it, long-term, really.

As a result of this, When I remember a long-term memory that I had forgotten, for a long time, it’s important to me. My affected memory is also the reason I keep a scrapbook of all significant memories, good and bad. If you struggle to remember things, at times, you’d want to remember the bad as well as the good, too. The bad is as much a part of your life, as the good, so why should I be selective and omit all negative memories?

And in this case, the memory I recovered was from high school. I can’t remember if it was pre or post surgery because I can’t remember how old I was, in this memory, but I remember the memory in some detail.

As aforementioned, the memory was triggered by the fact that I was letting my hair dry naturally. Why? Well, basically, the weather has started to turn colder and I think that, paired with my wet hair, triggered this particular memory.

The memory is this:

In high school, for a while, I had a group of friends who lived further from school than I did, but met me at my house on the way. One day, one of my friends didn’t have time to dry her hair so she decided to let it dry during the half hour walk from her house to school.

But the temperature outside was below zero degrees celsius. By the time we got to school, her hair had frozen into icicles, I shit you not. I couldn’t tell what I was more impressed with: the fact that her hair had actually frozen, or the fact that she didn’t seem at all bothered by it. She didn’t even flinch at the cold that was probably biting at her scalp!

The latter was what scared me – because she officially became the most badass bitch I’d ever met. She was already pretty badass, because she knew Taekwondo, but this was on a whole ‘nother level.

Seriously, this was a whole different scale of inner control – to be able to ignore her frozen hair.

So that was the memory that was triggered. It made me smile because it was both hilarious and shocking.

But it made me laugh that something as simple as wet hair and cold air triggered that. Have you ever had a memory triggered by something really random and insignificant?

Until next time, my sweeties,

Georgia x

What the holy hell is that?!

Jesus Christ, it’s like having tinnitus! Remember when school fire drills used to be a constant ringing bell? Well that’s exactly what I can hear.

I actually though I had tinnitus, because every time you put ‘ringing bell noise’ into a search engine, to try and find out where it’s coming from: all roads lead to tinnitus.

I thought I was going insane – thought I was imagining it – until I overheard one of my neighbours saying to another neighbour “can you hear that?”

That was when I realised I wasn’t insane and some random commercial building, nearby, in a sea of random commercial buildings, in the area where I live, has a fire-bell-type alarm going on and they hadn’t bothered to switch the damn thing off.

By 8am on the 4th November, it will have officially gone on for 3 days and I don’t need to tell you how little sleep I’ve had the last few days, because of this noise.

It got to the point that at 4am this morning, I was still awake and apparently so were some of the tenants in the building. There were people going in and out of the front communal door, talking amongst themselves about the noise and how it’s been going on for two or three days, now (but I worked it out. It’s three days at 8am tomorrow).

Best case scenario? The owner of the building doesn’t know this alarm is going off and/or nobody is there over the weekend, and maybe it’ll get turned off on Monday.

Worst case scenario? The building is abandoned/not in use, nobody knows who the owner is and nobody is gonna be there to turn the thing off, on Monday.

I WOULD report it to the council but see, that’s the trouble with the council -they don’t work weekends. So nobody is gonna be looking into that until Monday, anyway. Additionally, to fill out the online form, rather than call (’cause I’m antisocial, like that) you need to give the address where the noise is coming from.

My neighbours and I live in a block of flats in the centre of town – essentially a block of flats in amongst a shed load of business-use buildings. All the buildings are old and so close together, there are so many possibilities of which building could have an alarm, like that, that we have no clue which building it’s coming from.

So, basically, we don’t know where it’s coming from and we can’t do anything about it until Monday.

What that means for me? Another damn night of no sleep!

I should be used to this shit, by now, given that I live down the road from at least 5 pubs, and strange noises coming from outside, isn’t unusual. The countryside has wild animals that make strange noises? The centre of town has… well… other wild animals that make equally strange noises. The countryside has foxes, badgers, wild bird, etc.? The centre of town has drunkards, couples having couple spats (usually the girl is cheating which, FYI, doesn’t exactly assert confidence and make me feel proud of my gender), cars, vans and construction workers.

The point is, if I can sleep through all of that, and not let it bother me, then you know for a fact that this crappy noise must be irritating as shit!

By now, you’ve probably recognised that whether you want to listen to me complain, or not, you’re gonna listen to it. But, regardless, thanks for listening.

Until next time, my sweeties,

Gee x

Job searching

I was going to start this off complaining about how tedious and demeaning job searching is, for young people, today.

But something great just happened: I got offered a job! Fantastic!

Despite how happy I am about this, I will still complain about the horrible process young people have to go through, to meet the unrealistic expectations of potential employers, because why not? Yes, I’M happy, but the unrealistic expectations of most employers sets young people, who are desperately searching, down a one way road to dispair.

I mean it’s like they want everything and nothing; yes but also no. Like, for example, they’ll say they’ll take on people with very little experience, but then they’ll state that they’d prefer people with about 10 billion years experience.

‘Cause let me tell you something: your qualifications, your GCSEs, A Levels, BTecs, or degrees, don’t mean anything at all. Honestly, you could have all the degrees and qualifications imaginable, but if you don’t have any experience and you’re up against someone WITH experience and hardly any qualifications, they’ll get the job.

Experience is worth its weight in gold, these days. I mean, like, for example my experience: I have over a years worth of admin experience in an office environment, over 2 years worth of customer service experience (11 months retail face-to-face and 1 year and 2 months telephone customer service) and a customer service qualification. But, if I’m up against someone with even a fraction more experience than me, even if they don’t have the same qualifications, they’ll get the job.

Do you even know how many times my minimal work experience actually fit their job requirements, but I still didn’t get the job? I could sit here and rant to you about just that side of it, but I’d need a week.

It’s so hard, expecially as a young person, because young people are constantly being compared to people who are nothing like them. You could fit all the job requirements and have enough work experience, but if you’re 21 and you’re being compared to a 45-year-old with 10 years’ more experience, your minimal experience is puny, by comparison.

This happened to me more than I can even comprehend. Like, employers shouldn’t even be thinking like that?! They’ll say “sorry but we’ve found someone with more experience”. Well, of course you have. This person is ten years older than me, with ten years’ more experience, and I’m like:

“sorry I’ve not been ALIVE as long as them? I’ll be sure to tell my mum to go back in time, and give birth to me ten years’ earlier, before my other siblings?”

It’s so frustrating. Especially when they pair that statement off with “your interview was excellent, we couldn’t fault you for anything, but…”

This doesn’t just apply to office jobs, either – I actually got turned down by a very cheap supermarket (leaving the name out for legal reasons) because I only had a years’ worth of retail experience. Since when do you need loads of experience to work in a supermarket?! It’s a supermarket, not MI5!

And it works the other way, too: They want you to have all this experience but be young enough to stay with the company for a long time – YOU. CAN’T. HAVE. BOTH!

And don’t get me wrong, I’m sure that most of these people who DID get the job are lovely. I’m just saying the employer’s method for recruiting people is very odd and nonsensical.

You know what’s not helpful? People who are middle-aged and above, saying really unhelpful things like “just get a job” or “in my day, you could walk into a place and get a job, on the same day”. Sorry, Grandma, this isn’t the time for nostalgic moments, because in this day and age, the employers will set so many unrealistic expectations for potential employees, that it’s almost impossible to please them. #justsayin’

Today, I was lucky enough to be offered a job, so my new employer must see my potential, and I’m so freakin’ thankful, for that. Because I left my last job under bad circumstances (I was being bullied and my managers couldn’t be bothered to do anything about it). It really knocked my confidence when I felt like I had to leave my job, but I didn’t have another one lined up.

I have spent just over a month unemployed, but actively looking for work. And I know that’s a generic phrase that’s used a lot, today, but when I say actively, I mean it. I applied to between 30 and 50 jobs per week, had an average of 3 interviews per week and spent almost every waking minute job searching.

And today I was lucky enough to be offered a job, meaning I’d only been out of work for just over a month. But just so you know, four weeks can feel like a lifetime, when you’re unemployed.

I mean, I was already trying to work out my monthly finances, for the next 6 months, to see if I’d even make it. Every week that you’re unemployed is so tedious and every day of unemployment gets you down. And if you live on your own, pay all your own bills, and don’t have anyone to turn to when things get bad, financially, it’s so daunting.

My last job was an apprenticeship, but I was paid very little and had to work so much overtime to make ends meet, that I was killing myself, with the hours I was doing. The job was full-time, anyway, before all the overtime. I was only paid about £800 per month, after tax – and that’s INCLUDING the overtime.

The job I’ve been offered is another apprenticeship but it’s for an AAT Level 3 qualification, which is far better than a customer service practitioner level 2, in every way. And the pay seems really good – like it pays close to 1k per month AFTER tax, by my calculations! That’s the amount you’d expect from a full pay job, not an apprenticeship, so that’s amazing!

I’m in so much debt, right now… who isn’t? There’s a lot of that going on, around here. Everyone is struggling, holding tight to every penny they can get. But then it’s gone, towards the overdraft, before you even have a chance to get it in your pocket. In some ways, I can see how it’d be easy to blame other people for that. You can blame the government all you want, but it doesn’t change anything – we’re all still in the same situation, regardless of who we blame.

But you should blame the government, it’s completely their fault – using tax payer’s money to spend on frivolous, unnecessary things, being paid a ton of money for jack all. All while we suffer. I get that some of them have very important jobs but they’re supposed to represent us and they don’t. They’re posh snobs who thrive off the rich lifestyle and don’t care about anyone but themselves.

And can all politicians please stop being lizards? I mean, really, when was the last time you saw someone from the leading political parties, the house of lords or even the house of commons, who didn’t look like they just rose up from a sewer to go to work? They must elect their leaders based on how lizard-y the candidates are. Seriously, they all look a little lizard-y, but all the leaders of the political parties look too much like lizards, for it not to be true.

Maybe that’s how they get them to elect them as leader! They go full lizard and scare the shit out of them – threatening to get their entire species to take over the world, turning the world into a giant, dark, damp sewer system, if they don’t vote for them.

Didn’t Doctor Who cover something simlar, to this? GASP! It’s REAL!

Wow, I went on a bit of a tangent, there, didn’t I?

Well, I think I’ve said everything I’m gonna say, for one day. So, in conclusion:

– I got offered a job, which I am really happy about

– Job searching sucks because most employers are unreasonable

– Everyone is skint and it’s the government’s fault

– The government are all lizard people, who may or may not use their political power to transform the world into a place only habitable by cold-blooded creatures, thereby rendering the human race extinct.

Yeah, that’s about it.

If you’re one of the few people who do read this, then thank you, I appreciate you all and any support you can give me, in getting this shared on social media.

If you don’t read this then you’re not reading this. Or this. Or this.

Until next time, my sweeties

Gee xx